#460: Lorde, 'Melodrama'
Universal, 2017
Hello,
I apologize for yet another delay.
I am recovering from a kidney infection. Remember when I had that sinus infection from hell? Well, it became a kidney infection.
I had to cancel plans, change plans and bail on my team at work.
I hate being sick. I don’t mind how it makes my body feel, I don't mind pain or nausea. I just hate disappointing people by being sick.
Chronic sickness feels like failure because it always takes precedence over my relationships and goals.
I don’t know when I am going to have a flare with my rheumatoid arthritis. I don’t know when my stomach is going to turn on me or when a casual cold will turn to pneumonia and kill my entire month.
I feel like a constant liability.
I initially was going to write about women in the industry and how many have found the amount of fame Lorde did and reference a few of her hits and her own journey in the public eye and then outside of it.
Then, I got sick. I fell asleep and woke up a week later. I laid in bed and felt waves of anxiety over not carrying my load in my relationships and projects as I moved from fever to chills.
I sometimes feel like the stuff that comes with the whole “Nicolle Adventure”-- health, constant religious obligations, over the top opinions and general restlessness. It is all a little much for some.
I listened to the song, “Liability” on repeat.
Those with a little extra salt in their step have felt liabilities once or twice before in their relationships. It’s hard to accept our human frailty and it's nearly impossible to learn how to talk about it authentically.
I don’t know if it is important to sort through these frailties or let them rest a while.
I am feeling better and ready to put makeup on for the first time in a bit, so I feel like a rockstar again. No more guilt.
But when I flare or have another flu or infection, this cute little mind maze will return and we WILL talk about it.
Until then,
Nicolle (& Lorde)
Top songs: Green Light, Liability, Hard Feelings/Loveless, Writer in the Dark, Supercut