#458: Jason Isbell, 'Southeastern'

Southeastern, 2013

On the mortal body. 

I have been away for a little while. 

I have a disease called rheumatoid arthritis. It is an auto-immune condition that deforms and deteriorates the joints. It’s incredibly painful for me and can create complications when the inflammation spreads to organs or other necessary parts of my physical self. 

The medication I take breaks down my immune systems making me vulnerable to infection. I had a sinus infection in February that spread to my lungs, kidneys and finally to my reproductive organs. 

With the antibiotics, the brain fog, the fatigue and then random abdominal pains – I am so tired. I don’t have energy to keep moving. 

I wrote a long piece about creativity heavily inspired by this interview between Jason Isbell and Michael Saunders. It was this whole thing about the spiritual nature of creativity and about the importance of curiosity. 

I kept coming back to that post feeling absolutely nothing about it. 

What is the point of creativity, when I am in so much pain. When it takes so much energy to pretend to want to be awake. 

I’ve slept and pondered and considered my own weakness and mortality and I am left with the comfort of music, of other people’s creativity. 

I don’t have it in me to create or build right now but I happily lay in the warmth of Jason Isbell’s lyrics and hometown vulnerability. I happily pretend I am one of his characters slighted by love and searching for meaning in my own rural American existence. I know he didn’t write about me but there’s something beautiful about pretending he did. It validates the pain and my mortality feels a bit more celestial when played out against the backdrop of this album.